Moi

I thought it was about time I put my picture up. ;) Pretty close likeness methinks.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned before, but I am something of a Coca Cola fanatic. I LOVE it. I've got all sorts of Coke stuff here at my apartment. Just... gotta... love... it. None of that Pisspee aka pepsi for me, no sir. None of that DrPeepee aka DrPepper, no way Jose. I'm a Coke man through and through. Amen.

Yeah, this is how I feel on my good days. I'm no comic nerd, but the Joker was my favorite villian. He was a true bad guy. He didn't give a rat's ass about money, about the prize. He was a true sociopath. He only cared about being the worst bad guy out there, and one with style.

Asshole

People have called me an asshole before. I don't mind really. I rather take it as a compliment. In today's world, you can't be too soft. The only exception is to those I care about, of course. They're not called your loved ones for nothing. My sister once graciously dedicated a song by Denis Leary to me, called of course, "Asshole". Believe you me, this is a compliment coming from her. :| Anywho, I give to you the song, in flash version, as well as the lyrics. Enjoy.

Asshole

[Spoken]
Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream. About me. About you. About the way our American hearts beat down in the bottom of our chests. About the special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts, maybe below the cockles, maybe in the sub-cockle area. Maybe in the liver. Maybe in the kidneys. Maybe even in the colon, we don't know.

I'm just a regular Joe with a regular job.
I'm your average white suburbanite slob.
I like football, and porno, and books about war.
I've got an average house with a nice hardwood floor.
My wife and my job, my kids and my car.
My feet on my table, and a Cuban cigar.

But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested.
(Oh no) No Way (Uh-uh)
No, I've gotta go out and have fun
At someone else's expense.
(Oh yeah) Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

I drive really slow in the ultrafast lane,
While people behind me are going insane.

I'm an asshole. (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole. (He's an asshole, such an asshole)

I use public toilets and piss on the seat.
I walk around in the summertime saying, "How about this heat?"

I'm an asshole. (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole. (He's the world's biggest asshole)

Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces,
While handicapped people make handicapped faces.

I'm an asshole. (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole. (He's a real fucking asshole)

Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song.
Ranting and raving and carrying on.
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong...

Naaaah!

I'm an asshole. (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole. (He's the world's biggest asshole)

[Spoken]
You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado convertible, hot pink! With whaleskin hub caps, and all leather cow interior, and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights, yeah! And I'm gonna drive around in that baby at 115 mph getting one mile per gallon, sucking down quarter pounder cheese burgers from McDonald's in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers, and when I'm done sucking down those grease ball burgers, I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag and then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam container right out the side and there ain't a Goddamned thing anybody can do about it. You know why? Because we got the bombs, that's why. Two words. Nuclear fucking weapons, okay?! Russia, Germany, Romania - they can have all the Democracy they want. They can have a big democracy cake-walk right through the middle of Tiananmen square and it won't make a lick of difference because we've got the bombs, okay?! John Wayne's not dead - he's frozen. And as soon as we find the cure for cancer we're gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You know why? Have you ever taken a cold shower? Well multiple that by 15-million times, that's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be. I'm gonna get the Duke and John Cassavetes... and Lee Marvin
(Hey)
and Sam Pekinpah
(Hey hey hey!)
And a case of Whiskey and drive down to Texas...
(Hey, you know you really are an asshole)
Why don't you just shut-up and sing the song pal!

I'm an asshole. (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole. (He's the world's biggest asshole)

A-S-S-H-O-L-E Everybody! A-S-S-H-O-L-E

I'm an asshole and I'm proud of it... ;)

ALL HAIL

Too funny, watch the video

THE HITLER RAP

CHORUS:

H-I-T-L-E-R!
Driving down the streets in the fancy car!
Say H-I-T-L-E-R!
Thought we’d never make it but here we are!

VERSE 1:

The name is A!
And I’m back in command!
Cause I’m the illest Fuhrer
Representing Deutschland.

Reich 1, Reich 2, Reich 3..
That’s me! The master mind behind World War 3.
No, 2! My bad! Oh well, start it over!
Been gone for so long but now I’m back and I’ma show ya!
Everybody Hitler-hatin when they speak my name!
But it’s the new millenium and the Fuhrer has changed!
And what I bet y'all didn’t know is now I’m down with the Jews!
The gypsies, homosexuals and retards too!
Cause I stopped burning people, started burning CD’s!
Stopped battlin’ the world, started battlin’ MC’s!
Just started bustin’ rhymes, finally found my groove,
And now the “S.S” on my jacket stands for “Super Smooth”.

(CHORUS)

VERSE 2:

To all the Aryans in the area that are carryin’ rhymes!
And neo-nazi’s better watch me, catch on up with the times!
When other rappers see me coming, yo they run and they hide!
I grab the mic and commit lyrical genocide!
Cause when it comes to droppin hooks there is none greater!
Throw a finger to my public, then I grab my dictator!
Cause I’m flexin my might and I’m showing my strength,
I’ll get your lady “O”ing, get her moaning “Mein Kampf!”
No longer Nazi, but I still like to party!
And there are plenty women up in here with master racy bodies!
Blonde hair, blue eyes, you know I like em’ that way …
Yo, Goering, you got something to say?

GOERING:

Creep with me! As I roll through the Rhine!
Out getting yours while I’m out getting mine!
Got a skull on my jacket. Pimp it, it pays.
Got hoes hunkered in my bunker and they stay there for days.
Got a shorty waiting for me at every point of the land!
And that just comes with being Adolf’s right hand man!
I’m the Chairman of the Council of Defense of the Reich
And if you’ll come back to my castle, babe, we’ll stay up all night!

HITLER:

Driving down the street in my Panzer tank!
Sittin’ drinkin’ Cris’ with my bitch Anne Frank!
And when I step into the club’s you know I’m steppin with style!
Raise my left hand, party people say “Heil!”
Got a page from Eva Braun, that I’ll say that I missed,
There’s a party up at Schindlers and I’m on his “A-list!”
Cause I put my past behind! Y'all can think what you will!
But no more propoganda, it’s Triumph of the Ill!

(CHORUS)

Yo, that’s it that’s my rhyme!
We outta here!
Give it up! Give it up!
West Berlin!